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The 5 steps to finding your new normal.

September 19, 2017

Waking up the morning after my beautiful mums passing was surreal.


I had  such a heavy sinking feeling in my stomach and I just didn't want to get out of bed.

One of my biggest concerns was having to face people. It wasn't just because I'd need to inform those who had not yet heard, it was more about facing those who knew me well. How was I suppose to act? Who was I now? Carly who has just her mum to breast cancer? Carly who has been through the ringer over the past 18 months? I just didn't know what " Normal" was any more?


I found myself still picking up the phone to call mum to tell her about something one of my kids had done or to ask about a recipe for quite some time.


I was 23 years old, I had two children under three and I had lost my best friend.


Then after two years of waiting for my life to somehow go back to normal after mum left this world, I miraculously woke up. In fact, I had no idea that I was asleep. I had missed two precious years of my children's lives. Life had moved forward without me in it.


1. Make a new decision.

So I made a decision. I declared I was going to be present in my own life and the lives of my children. I also realised that by joining out of life, I was doing a huge disservice to my mum. Her time in her human suit was over and I was still blessed with mine. So what better way to honour her than to find a new normal.  Say yes to life. Love my kids and my husband with my whole heart and stop feeling guilty that I was living and she wasn't. That was a huge " AHA" moment for me.


2. Honour yourself and loved ones by being the best version of yourself.


I didn't realise that this was part of my grieving. Guilt. I even decided that I was ready and open to having another baby. This was the best past of all. I began honouring who I was and what I wanted from my life. I joined the gym, started walking along the beach and indulged in hours at a time of staring at my new baby boy, just because.


3. Write in a gratitude diary daily a list of all that you're grateful for.


Our lives are a blessing and we all have choices as to how we will respond to tragedy and loss. The fastest way to shift negative or unhelpful emotions when we're stuck is to write about everything we are grateful for daily. This shifts the energy very quickly and allows for more positive and uplifted feelings in the body.


4. Do more of what you love.


Waiting for life to " Go back to normal " is a waste of time. So find your new normal, say yes to life and honour yourself and your loved ones by taking in all of life's beauty.

Spend time doing things that bring you joy. Walking along the beach, coffee out, weekends away, spending time with loved ones etc. Do these things because they bring you joy, nothing more and nothing less.


5. Begin to view your life as a blank canvas.


Waiting for " Normal" to come back will only keep you stuck in more feelings of loss.

Begin to see the possibilities of change. Begin to see your life as a canvas ready for you to create a master piece.


Of course grieving is a natural and necessary part to healing, but by making a decision to be ready to move forward, you are not only honouring your own life, you are actually honouring others too.


This not only applies to the passing of a loved one but in any situation of grief. A relationship breakdown, the loss of a job, disappointment when things don't turn out the way we planned and many other scenario's.

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